Are We There Yet?

So here lately, I’ve been contemplating many different things.  As the semester draws closer to the end, I’m becoming more stressed over assignments and tests.  I’m anticipating the start of the spring semester.  My classes will finally ALL be medical assisting courses… the ones that I will enjoy.  I’ve been dreaming about the upcoming tax season when I’ll hopefully be able to purchase a new-to-me vehicular unit.  I’ve been wondering how I have been blessed with such an amazing little boy to love and tend to.  He truly does amaze me every single day.  And I need to spend more time with him.  And that’s been happening slowly but surely.

But above all that, I’ve been pondering one thing quite often.  It’s trying my patience without a doubt.   But at the same time, I also have new things to hope for now.  I know what I want, and I want it right now.  But as a Joyce Meyer article spelled out for me (yet again) God will grant me this only when I can trust in Him and stop demanding things from Him.

Lately, I’ve really been trying to be more patient and just enjoy the ride so to speak, but anyone who knows me will tell you that’s not an easy task.  I don’t like not knowing, not being able to figure it out for myself.  I keep thinking of the future and trying to figure out how everything relates to everything else and I can picture things perfectly.  But as my patience wears thin and my ability to just wait nears extinction I have to wonder if I’ve been imagining things all wrong.

Maybe what I want is not what God has in store for me?  This seems a little silly at the moment (to me anyway) but what else have I got to cling to?  I know that whatever story He has written in the book of my life will be exactly what it is supposed to be.  But that doesn’t make the not knowing, and the not getting what I want any easier.  It just makes me that much more intrigued, which simply fuels my desire to control my own life.  As one of my professors would say “it’s a positive feedback loop.”

I recently came across an eye-opening quote: “God doesn’t give us clarity, son.”  Can I get an Amen!?  Some things are clear as day, but still other aspects of our journey are blurred by fog.  It’s crazy to think about it.  Just as when driving through fog, nothing will make it crystal clear but time.  Think about it like this: a foggy autumn morning while driving to school or work, we have trouble seeing distant objects.  We turn on our lights but they don’t do anything at all to clarify anything.  Squinting and focusing do nothing.  The only thing allowing us to see what lies ahead is to slowly and carefully drive into the unknown.  With each turn of the wheel, we see what we couldn’t see before, but we still can’t see too far ahead.  Using our experience and our experience as drivers, we are able to travel the road and arrive at our destination exactly when we are supposed to despite the hazy atmosphere.

And on that note, I guess it’s time that I start taking my own advice and just plow full steam ahead and let God handle the details and destination.  I’ll just try to focus on the journey J