Laugh of The Day: A certain percentage of women actually use their kids (homework, laundry, projects, etc) to get out of having sex with their partners. It made me laugh, and I don't even have to worry about it lol!
Today was that dreaded day: Ya know, the one where you have to give yourself a pep talk so you actually make it to the doctor’s appointment that you never wanted to schedule in the first place. Yes ladies, the female doctor day. The oh-so-dreaded hoo-ha exposé.
These appointments are so uncomfortable and embarrassing for the patient anyway (unless she is used to having her business all out in the open for a strange person to stare and poke/prod at??). Let alone when you arrive in the room and are told to undress and have the gown open in the front and cover your lap with a sheet (that reminds me of a pillow case)! Then the doctor comes in and you find him somewhat attractive for an older guy and wonder why in the world he chose the job he did so many years ago.
At any rate, said doctor actually does it: he asked “how are you doing and why do you look so uncomfortable?” “Dee-dee-dee doctor, I don’t wanna be here!” I think. But I muster up enough wisdom to realize that saying “dee-dee-dee to the doctor with all the power in my girl parts at the moment is probably not the smartest thing to do. So instead, I say “Well I’m really not excited at being the opening show for the hoo-ha exposé”. Welcome to the what I should have said theater… not that most definitely lol!
He didn’t find my remark humorous (although looking back, I think it was hilarious!). He told me to "put your feet in the stirrups" (like I'm on a horse hear man!) and then he went on about his business as I went on with mine. Which only involved closing my eyes as tightly as I could in an effort to imagine I was somewhere ANYWHERE else! After what seemed like an eternity, probably only a minute, if that, it was done! The doctor had washed his hands and the whole nine yards. I still felt a little odd, with that just happening and all, and then having to look the man in the face as he tries to tell me how long before I get the results and all that fun stuff. And I don’t know why hearing that man say “vagina” so many times was weird, seeing as how that is what is profession focuses on, but it just struck me as odd. I was just trying to hurry the small talk along so I could get off the paper covered bed and back into my clothes. Which seems silly when the only thing I can think about at this point is getting home so I can shower!
I know it may seem silly for me to actually post this on a public blog, but I can’t be embarrassed about the dreaded appointment that every woman (at least most---all should, but some don’t) has to go through annually. It is always embarrassing at the time, but I can talk about it. Granted, I don’t use the best or most reader-appropriate terms/language here, but it’s not like I’m cursing either. I just don’t have a good mouth to keyboard filter…. It’s out of commission these days.
After having gotten pregnant, having a child, having numerous pap smears and pelvic exams done, this one was still JUST as embarrassing as the rest. It never gets easier, but it has to be done. My health depends on me going through this torture every single year until I am told otherwise. These tests are the way doctors detect cervical cancer, cervical dysplasia, and so many other things that can have a HUGE impact on our bodies as women.
And actually, I think may next post may be about my pregnancy and the delivery of my son. That may actually need to be a series, but it should prove to be entertaining in the least.
Your doctor should be NOTHING like the doctor in this funny Family Guys clip above.
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