Single Mom versus Battlefield: Part 1

As a single mom myself, I can tell you that dating is a battlefield.  Not that I do much of it at all, lol.  After work and school throughout the week, when the weekend comes and my son is with his father (2 weekends a month and 2 evenings each week) I'm so drained that it's all I can do to motivate myself to change out of my pj's.  But back to my point.

In the 1 1/2 years I've spent being single again, I have dated a few men.  None of whom have tickled my fancy enough to keep my attention longer than a couple months.  I had a guy ask me a few days ago what qualities I desire in a guy/boyfriend/partner/whatever you call it.  My answer to him (with no hesitatation) was this:
1-Hardworking
2-Honest
3-Motivated to be his very best
4-Respectful of women
5-Willingness and ability to love myself and my child unconditionally. 

He then asked me what qualities I have that I can give a man.  My answer was this: The same as I expect from him!   It's that simple.  Other than those 5 basic things, I'm pretty flexible when it comes to men.  Maybe this is why I can't seem to pinpoint the reason none of my past relationships have been able to stand the test of time.

All I know is that I do eventually want to get married and stop wondering what my future will hold.  I'm not in any sort of a hurry though.  I'm enjoying the time I get to spend with my son--just the two of us.  I get to dress him up however I want (at least for a few more months) and we get to sing songs and dance like nobody's watching.  Which is probably a good thing since I can't do either well enough to want an audience lol.  I get to soak in every single time he says "thank you mommy" or "milk" instead of "water".  Just this evening as I was attempting to reinstall his carseat back into my car he tried to pick it up (as his uncle had taken him sledding earlier while I was at work so it was still inside) and said "I help you".  I have such a smart, handsome, and polite little boy to look at and interact with every single day.  And no man can ever change the way I interact with him, nor the amount of time I spend with him.

But, for all you women out there who are questioning your relationship's future and wondering if/when your guy is gonna commit/pop the question, and you're just not sure how to act or proceed, read the following paragraph... the article on the site is pretty legit too....

Don’t do anything!  Just wait and see what he does.  As Evan Marc Katz put it in this article, let him do what he wants.  If you like it, stay.  If you don’t, leave.  It’s that simple.  Now I’m not saying that he should call all the shots or be the only one to initiate contact/try to make plans.  I’m agreeing  with the previously mentioned guy in saying that if a man wants to see you more than once a week, he will.  If he wants to commit to you, he will.  If he wants to introduce you to friends/family, he will.  So long as you say yes.  Don’t pressure him and don’t nag him later if you don’t get what you want out of the relationship.  It’s not his fault if you stay around knowing that he only has time for you once a week or that he hasn’t broached the subject of marriage or the future.  If you’re unhappy with the way things are going, simply leave.  If you mean enough to him to fight for you to stay, then there you go.  If he lets you leave, there ya go.  I’ve never heard it put so simply before, but nothing else has ever made more sense than this either.

Let Them Be Little

Kayden has a birthday coming up in February.  He's going to be 2 years young!  It is so scary and crazy how quickly time passes us by.  When I think back to the day he was born, I can still picture everything so clearly.  I can see so much detail that I feel like I'm re-living those moments again.  And that was almost 2 years ago!!  I miss him being a little baby.  But, I'm also looking forward to the ways he will continue to grow and become who God has destined him to be. 

I don't want to miss another second of his young years because I can never get them back, no matter how vividly I can remember.  I have decided that I am going to focus more time on him, and less on facebook and pinterest.  When school lets out in 13 days, I will have an entire month to focus entirely on my son.  And I am going to take advantage of it 100%.

Every day between December 14th and January 14th, I will devote time to do something with Kayden other than just watching him play.  I'm going to let him go crazy with his markers.  I'm going to let him help me with laundry (because he loves it... lucky me!).  I'm going to let him stay up late and watch extra Elmo or extra Barney even though I want find the costume and burn it! I'm going to let him play in the bathtub longer than the time it takes me to get him clean.  I'm going to let him eat junkfood and dance like crazy just because it's cute.

These little things don't seem like much at all.  But when I think about our days since I've started school again, I can't remember the last time I just let him be himself.  We are always so rushed and so busy that I don't have the time to let him play in the bathtub.  And it makes me sad.  These simple things bring so much joy to Kayden that I can't believe I have taken them away from him because I've gotten so busy.

So, if you're reading this and have children then promise yourself and your children that you will MAKE time for the simple things in life.  Let go of all the structure and the silly rules for a few hours a week.  You'll feel better for it, and they'll have a ball :)

Prayers for the Abused/Neglected

So after reading about the recent tragedy of a couple abusing torturing their 4 foster children and biological child, I have had many thoughts running through my mind.  First and foremost, I need to know how any person, especially a parent, can think it's okay to do such horrible things to children.  Secondly, I want to make it known that I love my son more than anything in the world.  He irritates me to absolutely no end from time to time, but I would never in a million years do anything to hurt him.  There have been several times where I have had to let him cry in his crib so I could give myself a time-out because I could not deal with him effectively and felt myself becoming stressed.  At one point, I just couldn't deal with him at all and went so far as to make his dad keep him overnight (this was his first overnight since we had split up).  Never, not once, did I think to tie him to anything or hit him anywhere besides his bottom a time or two.  Thirdly, I thank God every single day that my mother never abused my sisters and me.  Now three girls, with only 18 months between them, is enough to drive any person crazy, especially a single mother.  But she never hurt us and never neglected us.

It is a sad shame that these events have taken place.  The children will be in my prayers for obvious reasons.  The parents will be in my prayers as well.  What they have done is despicable, yes.  I am praying for their hearts to be changed and for them to feel as much remorse as I do for what those kids have had to go through.  The physical damage will heal but the emotional havoc that they have endured will go on for many years to come.

And lastly, I must speak out to those involved with the department of child services.  I ask that you take a look at your protocol for placing children in foster homes and take steps to ensure this kind of thing never happens to another child.  It's bad enough they can't be with their biological families so lets not make it worse by placing them with horrible strangers.

Say this little prayer, or come up with your own.  These children, and so many more that we don't know about need our help today and everyday.

"Father God, I ask that you ease the physical and emotional pain these poor children have been dealt.  I pray that you will heal them and bring them safety and joy in this difficult time.  Lord I ask that you work on the two people responsible for this abuse and neglect.  I ask that you give them heavy hearts so that they can see the wrong in all of this.  I pray right now Father that you will see to the safety of all the other children in the world and that nobody else has to deal with anything even remotely close to this.  I ask this all in your holy name.  Amen."

Are We There Yet?

So here lately, I’ve been contemplating many different things.  As the semester draws closer to the end, I’m becoming more stressed over assignments and tests.  I’m anticipating the start of the spring semester.  My classes will finally ALL be medical assisting courses… the ones that I will enjoy.  I’ve been dreaming about the upcoming tax season when I’ll hopefully be able to purchase a new-to-me vehicular unit.  I’ve been wondering how I have been blessed with such an amazing little boy to love and tend to.  He truly does amaze me every single day.  And I need to spend more time with him.  And that’s been happening slowly but surely.

But above all that, I’ve been pondering one thing quite often.  It’s trying my patience without a doubt.   But at the same time, I also have new things to hope for now.  I know what I want, and I want it right now.  But as a Joyce Meyer article spelled out for me (yet again) God will grant me this only when I can trust in Him and stop demanding things from Him.

Lately, I’ve really been trying to be more patient and just enjoy the ride so to speak, but anyone who knows me will tell you that’s not an easy task.  I don’t like not knowing, not being able to figure it out for myself.  I keep thinking of the future and trying to figure out how everything relates to everything else and I can picture things perfectly.  But as my patience wears thin and my ability to just wait nears extinction I have to wonder if I’ve been imagining things all wrong.

Maybe what I want is not what God has in store for me?  This seems a little silly at the moment (to me anyway) but what else have I got to cling to?  I know that whatever story He has written in the book of my life will be exactly what it is supposed to be.  But that doesn’t make the not knowing, and the not getting what I want any easier.  It just makes me that much more intrigued, which simply fuels my desire to control my own life.  As one of my professors would say “it’s a positive feedback loop.”

I recently came across an eye-opening quote: “God doesn’t give us clarity, son.”  Can I get an Amen!?  Some things are clear as day, but still other aspects of our journey are blurred by fog.  It’s crazy to think about it.  Just as when driving through fog, nothing will make it crystal clear but time.  Think about it like this: a foggy autumn morning while driving to school or work, we have trouble seeing distant objects.  We turn on our lights but they don’t do anything at all to clarify anything.  Squinting and focusing do nothing.  The only thing allowing us to see what lies ahead is to slowly and carefully drive into the unknown.  With each turn of the wheel, we see what we couldn’t see before, but we still can’t see too far ahead.  Using our experience and our experience as drivers, we are able to travel the road and arrive at our destination exactly when we are supposed to despite the hazy atmosphere.

And on that note, I guess it’s time that I start taking my own advice and just plow full steam ahead and let God handle the details and destination.  I’ll just try to focus on the journey J

For the Love of Fun

A friend recently asked me what I do for fun.  My answer??  Sadly, it was something along the lines of "I don't know" or "I don't really have time for fun".  It really got to me.  I knew I had to change things up.  As I pondered the topic for a few days (obsessively almost), I realized that I do have fun.  Quite often actually.  Below are some of the things I do that bring me joy.  Granted, these are things I do often as part of my everyday routine.  I don't typically play paintball or partake in electronic gaming, so others may not find these things fun... but I guess that's not really important to whether or not I should enjoy them...

One day, I will have this body :)

I recently just started to learn the art of stick fighting… that’s not the technical term for it I’m sure, but that’s what I call it, lol!  It’s pretty much amazing.  I get to take out my frustrations on some sticks that can’t feel any pain.  It also gets me moving (which let’s face facts, I don’t do very much outside of walking and lifting my son).  I have gotten to meet some cool new people and am learning how to defend myself should anyone ever come at me with a stick or sword perhaps lol!

I get great joy from learning about medicine.  Not so much anatomy and physiology, but diseases and treatments.  I am pretty much addicted to such shows as Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and House.  It’s funny really because watching these shows has given me a slight advantage in some aspects of my Anatomy & Physiology class. 

I like to read the Bible.  When I’m feeling particularly sad or upset and just not sure what to do or where to turn, I open up my Bible.  Often times I will utilize my mom’s concordance (which I didn’t even know she had until a week or 2 ago) and have access to a plethora of scripture to read and interpret via other scripture.  And while on this topic, it’s always a great time when I can share the Word with those who don’t share my faith or who are so caught up in their troubles that they don’t stop to think about the bigger picture.

 I google a lot.  As well as pinterest.  Who knew those words could be used as verbs?? Lol!  Seriously though, I could spend hours on end just googling and pinteresting.  Funny is my go-to category.  Who doesn’t love to laugh right?  I also spend a lot of time searching for ways to be a better parent for my son.  Every so often I’ll get really wild and attempt to diagnose whatever symptoms I’m having.  Thanks to my medical background, this is easier for me than it is for others.

 

 

I look forward to talking with friends, mainly intelligent conversations.  Now that’s not to say I don’t like talking about nothing from time to time, but I get more enjoyment out of broadening my perspective and/or knowledge on a subject.  When I feel very passionate about a certain topic, I love backing up my position with actual knowledge and facts instead of relying solely on opinions.

I love to eat.  I don’t usually overeat (but sometimes I do and then feel awful, lol) but I do love food.  I can’t cook to save my life, but if I’m given a recipe I can create just about anything.  I have (on several occasions) made my own frosting for cupcakes and even made avocado ice cream this past summer.  My next goal is brownie cookie dough sandwiches, followed by mango ice cream soon after.  And I can make some pretty legit noodles.  And this just gave me an idea for my next post.

So until then, have fun in whatever you do.  Always look for the light at the end of the tunnel and find the fruit loop in a bowl of cheerios.  Make lemonade out of lemons.  Whatever phrase comes to mind, always enjoy life.   Don’t fret the small stuff :)

Surgery and Anesthesia

As I will be having a laparoscopic cholecystectomy (removal of my gallbladder via 4 tiny incisions in my abdomen), I have been chatting with Dr. Google... again!  I've found alot of interesting stories about what people remember and how they felt before, during, and after procedures.  This prompted me to write about my experiences with anesthesia and surgery thus far.  I've had 4 surgeries in the last 20 months and not a single one before that!

C-Section


Kayden, 3 days old. February 20, 2012

Wouldn't you know, the very first surgery I ever had to endure was that of my son's birth.  Do to having undiagnosed (until the OB tried to break my water) placenta previa (where the placenta covers the opening of the birth canal) I had to have an emergency C-Section.  This was February 17, 2011.

I was terrified!  I had no idea what they were doing to me or if I would even survive the surgery.  I had never seen the inside of an OR, I was about to be a mommy, and my own mommy couldn't go into the room with me so I was a mess.  I was shaking, went back and forth from hot to cold, crying, and nauseous from the level of stress I was putting myself through.

I had already been given an IV before I went to the OR, because when you have a child you get an IV no matter what.  Once inside the OR, they moved me to the operating table.  The very kind blonde nurse helped support me while the anesthesiologist gave me an injection in my back.  I didn't even feel the needle going in.  Perhaps this is because I was more concerned about death than pain lol.  I was laid back onto the table and then I felt no pain.  Other than feeling somebody messing with my girl parts (they were inserting the catheter) and pressure in my chest, I felt nothing.  I told my son's dad that I couldn't breathe (because I forced him to hold my hand the entire time... even after Kayden was born lol) and he started to worry.  I then reassured him that this was because there was SO MUCH pressure from the nurse pushing right below my ribcage to push the baby out.

I got very impatient once Kayden was out because I still couldn't move and wanted to very badly.  I kept telling the surgical team to move it along lol.  I recovered nicely (other than the odd spikes in my heart rate and dealing with an elevated blood pressure from pre-eclampsia) and was home 3 days after Kayden was born.  After 2 weeks, I was back to myself doing everything I did before and then some.  There was alot of pain, mainly from laughing and trying to lay flat.  The meds were good at controlling it though.


Wisdom Teeth
In November 2011, I had to have all 4 of my wisom teeth extracted.  I was told I was being put under, but I don't know that I was.  The dentist inserted my IV and put the meds in through that.  As he was doing that, I said to him "Is it normal to have a rapid heart rate during this process?  I don't have one, but I was just wondering." I don't know if he even answered the question because I was out.  I did wake up during the procedure and felt ALOT of pain.  That was the worst part of it really.  When I came to, I called my mom (because I had my cell phone in my back pocket and they didn't know it).  I asked her to come back there and take me home.  I was in pain for several days afterwards.  Icing my face constantly and drinking all of my food was the extent of it though.

Excision of Moles
I have had 2 surgeries to remove lesions.  The first time I had a spot on my back and stomach taken off.  This was done in the office with a local anesthetic.  The anesthetic burns pretty bad, but it's not unbearable.  Awake and asking questions the whole time.  About 20 minutes later and I was back to work.  Because I am lucky enough to work for a surgeon :) 

The second time, I had a spot on my head taken off.  My scalp was numbed which hurt less than the other time I had a local anesthetic. Again, this was nothing and I didn't even need stitches.  A simple cauterized spot on my head and I was back to work.

Extra Info:  The image at the left shows the signs of unhealthy moles.  If you notice any of these signs with any of your spots, get them checked out.  They could be a sign of skin cancer.

Next Surgery
My next surgery will be the lap chole in a couple weeks.  Despite my efforts to have this done with just a local, I have to have general anesthesia.  I'm very nervous about this part of it.  The actual surgery does not scare me at all.  I would prefer to remain awake and watch as they work, but they said no, lol.


So what does General Anesthesia feel like?  Will I fight going to sleep?  Will I wake up like I did when I had my wisdom teeth extracted?  Will I develop the post-op nausea and vomiting that I hear about all too often at work?  Will I have to stay over night?  Will I remember anything?  Will I have horrible nightmares the night after the surgery?  I guess I will answer these questions for you when I get home from surgery...  Unless you can answer them for me now??

For the Love....

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about relationships and God and the love we all want to experience with another person.  Over the course of the past few days especially, I have come across so much information that I just can’t keep to myself.  The first part of this blog deals with God’s love for us.  In the second, I discuss the love that so many people are trying to find (but are failing miserably for obvious reasons) and share how to know that love when it does happen.

First and foremost, we are each loved by the Lord, our God.  John 3:16 tells us straight up “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in his shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”   As a mom, I can tell you that giving your child (let alone your ONLY child) to die for the good of others is love in its most pure and magnificent definition.  As humans—being of flesh, bone and blood—we are sinners.  We are evil doers and should be considered the scum of the earth.  The dirt on the bottom of an old sneaker. We are selfish creatures of habit.  We are greedy and care not how our actions affect those around us.

But when Jesus Christ, Son of God, was crucified, we were allowed to live.  “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23).  It’s astounding!  God loves us SO much that he gave his Son to die for our sins.  I just can’t get over how amazing that love is.  And what do we do to repay Him?  We continue to fulfill our worldly desires—those of the flesh.  And it’s pointless to do so really because when we die (and we will) we don’t take our flesh with us.  What we take when we die is our spirit.  I’ve been told by a good friend on more than one occasion that “it’s not me who does/says these things.  It is the spirit of God in me.  He is working through me.”  That’s not an exact quote but it sums it up pretty well.  If the spirit of God does indeed dwell in us, then my body is not my own—It belongs to my Father in heaven.  And I like it that way.  I prefer it that way.

But anyway, back to His love for us.  All we have to do is confess our sins and be truly genuinely sorry and act better in the future.  We have to accept Him as our Lord and Savior and all is forgiven.  And ps, Jesus doesn’t keep a record of our wrong doings.  Once we are forgiven, we are born anew.  We have a clean slate to start over and work to fulfill His desire.  So, just give up trying to run your own life and trying to be in control of yourself.  You’ll continue to suffer….

Now, onto those pesky little relationships we are all striving to find.  I’ve been through it myself.  I’ve been down that road of “Oh I just want to love and be loved” or “all I want is someone to share my life with….”  Yea, that was me at one point.  Until I realized that I’m never going to find the love I desire in another human being until I discover and appreciate the love of God!  Once I am satisfied with the love He has given me, and I am focused on Him rather than on earthly desires, I will experience that love.  And not until then.  In God’s own timing of course, because let’s face facts… my timing typically sucks anyway lol!

So let’s say we are satisfied with the love of our God.  How do we know when we have found true love?  That’s a simple one.  For that, you need only to refer to your Bible.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says this about love:     “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails…”  It’s right there!  That’s all you need to know to figure out if you have found true love or not.  If your relationship does not have these qualities, it’s not love.  I’m telling you from experience, it’s better to wait around for true love than to give yourself to something less.  Any relationship worth having is one with God at its center.  That being said, if your interest is in a non-believer, it is not true love and can only lead to heartache and trouble.

I could probably go on for days about this stuff, but seeing as how I do have work and class in the morning, I will let it be for now.  I certainly hope this helps some of you out there.  Always remember, God is love.  If you don’t have God, you don’t have love.

That Hurts Mommy

I had the pleasure of conversing with two awesome guys today... both of whom are pro-lifers.  It made my heart smile a bit to know that there are others out there like me whom I am close to.  At any rate, today's blog is going to be on abortion because that's what my heart is focused on.  Well, that and dating (but that's because of an assignment for school and I don't wanna talk about that lol).

A full term pregnancy is 40 weeks.  The way it's counted, when a women conceives (around the time of ovulation) she is already considered around 2 weeks pregnant.  A week after a missed period, when most urine pregnancy tests will pick up the hormone hCG (the "pregnancy" hormone), a woman is already 5 weeks pregnant.  As early as 5 1/2 weeks pregnant (fetal age of 3 1/2 weeks), her baby already has a beating heart that can be detected using an ultrasound machine.

A beating heart (without the use of a ventilator) means that a person is still living.  Therefore, a baby even as early as the 5-6th weeks of pregnancy is living.  That baby is a living person.  Taking any action to end the life of that baby is considered an abortion.  And sadly, ever since Roe v. Wade in 1973, abortion has been legal.  Murdering helpless babies--genocide in a form--has been legal.

The debate will continue for years to come so I'm not trying to get into that with anybody right now (although I'm always up for a good fact session...).  I know that murdering helpless babies is wrong and shouldn't be allowed to happen.  But the point of this post is to just give information and shed some light for those who might maybe have a heart of their own??

The only light at the end of this murderous tunnel is this:  An abortion cannot be performed once the baby reaches the point of viability.  "Viable" is defined as "having attained such form and development as to be normally capable of surviving outside the mother's womb" (Webster.com).  In the US, we are making tremendous strides in healthcare.  Babies born after the half-way mark have a chance at survival.  So why then would the law state that an abortion can be performed on a woman who CHOOSES to have one up to the beginning of the 3rd trimester?

To truly understand abortion, you have to know how it is done.  But before I tell you that, I have to tell you this:  Fetuses (babies in-utero) can likely feel pain as early as 20 weeks since the woman's last period.  Keep that in mind as you read the rest of this post. 

Medical Abortion: The Pill
This form of abortion can be utilized until the 8th week of pregnancy.  Meaning 3 weeks (if she finds out VERY early) or 1-2 weeks (if she is like most women) after a positive pregnancy test.  A woman takes a pill at a clinic and then 24-72 hours later she uses another drug to induce uterine contractions.  This can be done in the privacy of her own home.

Aspiration
This procedure is performed during the first trimester of pregnancy.  Before 13 weeks.  During this procedure, the cervix is numbed with a local anesthetic (to prevent any discomfort for the mother) and a long plastic tube is placed in the uterus to quite literally vacuum out the baby and placenta.  The whole process takes roughly 15 minutes.  The woman recovers in the clinic/hospital for a few hours before going home.

Dilation and Curettage: The D&C
Performed during the first 12 to 15 weeks of pregnancy.  This is similar to the aspiration procedure.  The difference here is that a curette (a loop-shaped knife) is used to scrape the lining of the uterus to remove any evidence of pregnancy: baby, placenta, uterine lining.  This procedure is completed within 10 minutes and recovery lasts around 5 hours.

Dilation and Evacutation
This is done between 15 and 21 weeks of pregnancy.  The cervix is dilated using cone-shaped rods of increasing sizes. A cannula (a needle with a plastic tube similar to an IV tube) is inserted into the uterus to remove tissue from the lining of the uterus.  A curette is again used to scrape the remains out of the uterus and as a precaution, the uterus is suctioned.  This takes 30 minutes and the woman will recover for a few hours.

Dilation and Extraction: The Partial Birth Abortion
This procedure is used after 21 weeks of pregnancy.  Laminaria is inserted into the cervix to induce dilation and the woman's water will break on the third day after this insertion.  She goes to the hospital/clinic.  The baby is rotated in the uterus and forceps are used to deliver the baby vaginally until the shoulders are out.  At this point, the baby's skull is cut and a catheter is inserted to vacuum the brain out until the skull collapses.  The baby is delivered the rest of the way and the woman recovers and goes home.

Still Not Convinced?
Watch the video: http://www.gabrielscorner.com/apps/videos/videos/show/13547598
See with your own eyes how horrendous this act is.  See for yourself how inhumane people are being.  See for yourself the pain that this poor child had to endure for his mother's selfish gain....
I'm pretty sure that I don't want to have someone cut my skull and suction out my brains to kill me.  I'm positive that I would be in some pretty intense pain if that happened.  Your baby can feel pain too.  Not only does abortion end a precious life, but it also puts that baby through undue pain and suffering.

Just think about this stuff as you go on with your life.  There are alternatives to abortion.  You may not be able to handle a child or maybe you can and you just don't want to.  Whatever your reason for not wanting a baby, remember that adoption is always a possibility.  Even in the darkest situations, a child is a blessing from God and should be treated as such.  God loves that unborn baby just as much as He loves you.  He would never hurt you and you should know that He is not happy when one of His children is hurt or killed.

Sources:
West Side Pregnancy Clinic. http://www.wpclinic.org/abortion/abortion-procedures/. Accessed October 14, 2012.
Gabriel's Corner.  http://www.gabrielscorner.com/

My Person

My person is kind and gentle.  My person is funny and serious.  My person isn’t afraid to get to the heart of the matter at hand.  My person knows my past and loves me anyway.  My person makes me laugh and drives me crazy at the same time.  My person encourages me to grow in my relationship with God.  My person just happened to fall into my life when I didn't know I needed someone so much.

If I need a friend, an ear, or a Biblical reference…. I know right away who I should reach out to.  When I have something on my mind and want someone to talk to somebody about it who might give me an honest opinion without motive and judgment, I know who to turn to.  When I feel like giving up, I know who will cheer me on.  When I feel like eating cheesecake or ice cream, I know who to call.

The cheesecake and ice cream, although true, are not a required part of being my person.  Sadly, my person did not apply for the position.  There is no salary and no set schedule.  With me, the hours are sporadic and dependent upon my moods.  My person just showed up and hasn’t gotten sick of me yet I guess lol.  I don’t even think this person is aware of the role he continues to play.  While on the topic of choosing to take on this never-ending task of being my person, I must say this: I did not ask for a person nor did I choose who it would be.  It’s just one of those things that only God understands—whatever the reason for this person being in my life, I am extremely grateful and am honored to say that he is my person.

“If I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor!  She’s my person!”—Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

“The words that escape a friend’s mouth are ‘I’ll be there when you say you need me’.  But the unheard words from a true friend’s heart are ‘I’ll be there.  Whether you say you need me or not.’”—Random Quote

Take A Chill Pill :)

Being a mom is my main priority.  This trumps everything else going on.  When something gets in the way of being a good mommy, I throw it on the back burner and focus on my responsibility to my son.  I am a full time student.  Two of my four classes require my attendance in an actual classroom while the other two are online and at my convenience (to an extent--I still have deadlines).  Four classes adds up to be about 40 hours devoted to school and assignments.  Add working a real job 25 hours a week into that mixture, and you've got yourself one busy and often unsociable lady.

To relax, by definition, means 1) Make or become less tense or anxious 2) rest or engage in an enjoyable activity so as to become less tired or anxious. So what relaxes me? Am I even capable of relaxing? How do I find time to relax? Sadly, it's not hidden in our schedules or buried beneath the X on the treasure map. Instead, we are forced to make time for rest and relaxation.

I am always worrying about meeting a deadline or turning something in on time. Let's not even discuss the stress I go through when I have tests to prepare for.  By the grace of God, I have managed to stay on track on not miss any classes, assignments, or work.  And every now and then, I have to force myself to stop reading a textbook or put down my calculator and just thank Him for seeing me through each and every day of my life.

What relaxes me?
The most relaxing aspect of my life has to be my faith.  Yes, it's difficult to always put God before myself, and I fail from time to time.  But when I stop and just talk to Him, I feel better.  It doesn't matter how terrible my day has been.  When I talk to God and put my trust in Him, a weight is lifted from my shoulders.  Some other things, not such a major part of my life, that relax me are the Big Bang Theory, blogging, pinteresting, and simply googling an interesting topic.  It's sad really--I bought the 5th season of the Big Bang Theory 3 days ago and have yet to watch a single episode.

Am I Capable of Relaxing?
Everyone is capable of relaxing.  Some choose not to for reasons known only to them. For example, I don't make time to just relax very often these days.  I have too much to do and putting it off just adds to the stress of an already busy life.  But if I make a conscious effort to stop what I'm doing and just do nothing, for a long enough period of time, I do feel better after a while.

Wisdom for the Day:
If you get nothing else from this post, remember this---- It is vital to take a time-out every so often.  Your chores will still be there when you wake up from that 20 minute nap.  Your kids will live through not getting dinner promptly at 6:00pm.  You will survive the temporary lack of chaos.  And you owe it to yourself and those around you to put forth your best effort in everything you do.  It is much easier to be at your best after a period of relaxation.

I Have Found....

I do not have anything in particular to write about today, but I figured I needed to give my readers something to think about.  So here goes my plethora of recent findings :)

1. I have found that although I always stress about classes, I always seem to find the time and energy to study.
2. I have found that standing still for extended periods of time is often more demanding than running around in circles.
3. I have found that I secretly like being busy.  I only figured this out because I haven't been bored at all and have loved every second of the craziness :)
4. I have found that my family means everything to me.  More so than I thought before.
5. I have found that I can convince myself to get along with almost anyone.
6. I have found that I can only eat 2 fried eggs but can eat 3 scrambled eggs.
7. I have found that I don't spend money like I used to, but I still don't have any put away in savings.
8. I have found that I like to think.  And I like to write about what I think about.
9. I have found that I am capable of forgiving people.
10. I have found that I am an eager beaver when it comes to preparing to craft.  But when I actually sit down to do something, I grow tired of it quickly.

These are not major findings, but they have impacted me greatly in the past week or so.  The most important finding to date (or realization rather) is that there are only 14 full weeks of class left in the fall semester!  The countdown has officially begun :)

Yes, I Gave Myself A Pep Talk.... Or 12 Beforehand!

Laugh of The Day:  A certain percentage of women actually use their kids (homework, laundry, projects, etc) to get out of having sex with their partners.  It made me laugh, and I don't even have to worry about it lol!

Today was that dreaded day:  Ya know, the one where you have to give yourself a pep talk so you actually make it to the doctor’s appointment that you never wanted to schedule in the first place. Yes ladies, the female doctor day.  The oh-so-dreaded hoo-ha exposé. 

These appointments are so uncomfortable and embarrassing for the patient anyway (unless she is used to having her business all out in the open for a strange person to stare and poke/prod at??).  Let alone when you arrive in the room and are told to undress and have the gown open in the front and cover your lap with a sheet (that reminds me of a pillow case)!  Then the doctor comes in and you find him somewhat attractive for an older guy and wonder why in the world he chose the job he did so many years ago.

At any rate, said doctor actually does it:  he asked “how are you doing and why do you look so uncomfortable?”  “Dee-dee-dee doctor, I don’t wanna be here!” I think.  But I muster up enough wisdom to realize that saying “dee-dee-dee to the doctor with all the power in my girl parts at the moment is probably not the smartest thing to do.  So instead, I say “Well I’m really not excited at being the opening show for the hoo-ha exposé”.   Welcome to the what I should have said theater… not that most definitely lol!

He didn’t find my remark humorous (although looking back, I think it was hilarious!).  He told me to "put your feet in the stirrups" (like I'm on a horse hear man!) and then he went on about his business as I went on with mine.  Which only involved closing my eyes as tightly as I could in an effort to imagine I was somewhere ANYWHERE else!  After what seemed like an eternity, probably only a minute, if that, it was done!  The doctor had washed his hands and the whole nine yards.  I still felt a little odd, with that just happening and all, and then having to look the man in the face as he tries to tell me how long before I get the results and all that fun stuff.  And I don’t know why hearing that man say “vagina” so many times was weird, seeing as how that is what is profession focuses on, but it just struck me as odd.  I was just trying to hurry the small talk along so I could get off the paper covered bed and back into my clothes.  Which seems silly when the only thing I can think about at this point is getting home so I can shower!

I know it may seem silly for me to actually post this on a public blog, but I can’t be embarrassed about the dreaded appointment that every woman (at least most---all should, but some don’t) has to go through annually.  It is always embarrassing at the time, but I can talk about it.  Granted, I don’t use the best or most reader-appropriate terms/language here, but it’s not like I’m cursing either.  I just don’t have a good mouth to keyboard filter…. It’s out of commission these days.

After having gotten pregnant, having a child, having numerous pap smears and pelvic exams done, this one was still JUST as embarrassing as the rest.  It never gets easier, but it has to be done.  My health depends on me going through this torture every single year until I am told otherwise.   These tests are the way doctors detect cervical cancer, cervical dysplasia, and so many other things that can have a HUGE impact on our bodies as women.

And actually, I think may next post may be about my pregnancy and the delivery of my son.  That may actually need to be a series, but it should prove to be entertaining in the least.

My last few words are for those who've never been to the gynecologist or don't go as they should.  Ladies, it's only embarrassing for 5 minutes max.  Your doctor is totally professional and will not make inappropriate comments or anything of the sort.  They want you to be comfortable and there will always be a female in the room with you if you have a male doctor.  If they don't do that automatically, ask for one and they will get a nurse to stand in for the procedures.

Your doctor should be NOTHING like the doctor in this funny Family Guys clip above.

Live, Dream, Pray

Sadly, this diet hasn't been followed to a T.  As I suffer from IBS, I realized (with the help of my doctor) that raw veggies will only aggravate my gut.  Definitely not something I am willing to deal with to shed a few measly pounds.  I have however decided to eat healthier foods more often and drink water more often as well.   Lately, I have been drinking water with Crystal Light packets throughout the day.  It just makes me feel like I am actually doing something to reach my goal of being healthy.

Speaking of health, I have had trouble sleeping since before I got pregnant with my son (which was in 2010).  I can't fall asleep easily, even with the assistance of medications for that very thing, and when I do fall asleep, I can't stay asleep very long.  I go through periods of time where I wake up 1 or 2 times a night and the more often periods of waking up every 1 or 2 hours each night.  This makes for a very tired, unmotivated, and somewhat grouchy Summer!  I have had a lot of time to think about life as I know it, life as I wish it were, and life as I thank God it is not.  Which brings me to my next few words for you.

Life As I Know It
These days, being a single mama and all, I have very little me time.  I work all day at a doctor's office and come home to care for my son.  On days when he is with his daddy, I have a few hours to relax or study (when school is in session).  Each Tuesday night (with the exception of those nights I just can't stop reading my school books) I head to the B for TNT!  For those of you who don't know, Baptist Collegiate Ministries is an excellent organization.  They provide us with awesome people to love and cherish and a place (though it is not a necessity) to pray and worship our Lord!  TNT stands for Tuesday Nights Together:  a scheduled time of the week for all of us busy college students to meet and gather to worship and interact with fellow Christians on campus.  This place has been such a positive addition to my life.  I can only imagine where I'd be (or what my situation might be) had I not been introduced to Roger (the man I adopted as my Daddy).  On weekends, Kayden and I sit at home and he play with toys, makes messes, makes it difficult for mommy to get anything productive done.  I don't know how many episodes of various shows I have watched via Netflix on the Wii.  I don't typically meet anyone or do anything costing money or forcing me to go alone (ie, without my son).

Life As I Wish It Were
Every now and then I get frustrated with the day to day and the hustle and bustle that has become my life.  I dream of a life after I have graduated with a degree in Medical Assisting (sometimes I wish even further ahead and have become an RN).  In this perfect life, I get along constantly with my son's dad and have a nice car, a nice home that I am not afraid to live in, and a male companion.  He's out there somewhere (whether I've met him or not I don't know).  Everyday after work, I come home and play with my son, help him with his homework, have dinner as a family (which seems little, but means so much to someone who doesn't get that anymore), and we settle down and read books, talk about our days, pray for family and friends and whatever else we may want to talk to the Big Guy about.  As I get ready to tuck Kayden into his big boy bed (that he stays in all night long--afterall, it is a dream world), I tell him I love him and ask him to say his bedtime prayer.  Whatever he says is unknown, but the sincerity and innocence seen on his face is amazing.

Life As I Thank God It's Not
In this traggic life I am grateful I don't have, I don't have a job to guarantee financial security.  I don't have a great child care facility to leave my child at when I can't watch him.  In this sad scenario, I don't have the ability to worship freely the higher power of my choosing, I don't have the luxury of going to school, and I definitely don't have health insurance to meet the medical needs of my family.  I could go on and on for what I am grateful for having/not having, but I won't.

The End Result (Tie it together)
I don't have the life I desire, but it could always be worse.  Their are perks to being where I am right now.  I don't have to pay rent, I don't have a car payment, I don't live alone, I have a free place to sleep and my son is cared for by an excellent staff at daycare.  I get to go to bed at night knowing that I have done what I wanted throughout the day and I know that at the end of the day, I will not be jailed for worshipping my God.  I definitely think we should all take a few minutes of our day and pray we never have to worry about being jailed for practicing our faith.  Diversity is a great thing of our nation and religion is not excluded.  Whatever you do during the day, pray for a better self tomorrow :)

Easing Into A New Me

I have decided (thanks to the inspiration of one awesome Rose Bear) to begin the 17 day diet.  It's a very inspirational and seemingly simple plan to follow. I have been easing myself into the diet for several days by lowering my soda intake day by day.  As of today, I had 1 can of sprite which is caffeine free.  I'm impressed with myself.

I can definately give a big thanks to Crystal Light for the strawberry drink mix that makes water more tolerable for me.  If not for that, I wouldn't be able to give up soda at all.

Tomorrow is the official start day of my diet, but at the moment I do not know what I'm having for dinner.  So far I have this on my list for tomorrow:
Breakfast:2 hard-boiled eggs.  I like them and can eat them on the go.  Easy breakfast.
AM Snack: Carrots... easy to take to work and not too shabby on the taste buds.
Lunch:  Strawberries/Grapes (possibly a salad if I have a chance to get one)
PM Snack:  The carrots leftover from AM snack.
Dinner:  Unknown.  Possibly chicken breast with broccoli and cauliflower?
To drink: All the ice cold water I can drink.  They say to drink 64 ounces a day which shouldn't be too hard if I go through 48 ounces just in the 7 hours I spend at work.

This is where the planning comes into play.  I have to make sure I get my snacks and lunch ready before I go to bed because I don't have time to do so of a morning.  Depending on the weather, I may walk on my lunch hour or I may do 17 minutes of Zumba after work... not sure yet.  Even I can do 17 minutes of physical activity (meaning exercise not normally part of my routine) every day with enough motivation.  And my motivation is this:  I want to be healthy.  I want to be able to run and play with my son without getting out of breath from being so out of shape.  I want to be able to buy a pair of pants that don't make me look like I'm snuggling a muffin under my clothes :).... Sadly, I just thought of a muffin... I love the ones with chocolate chips in them...

If anyone wants to join me on this adventure, please feel free to do so.  I'm sure if I can do it, anyone can do it!!  As always, comments are welcome and encouragement is always appreciated :)

Let go and Let God

Today started off great.  I went to work after dropping my son off at daycare like we always do.  I even took water instead of soda to work (major step for me)!  We performed a couple surgeries, had some follow-up patients, nothing unusual.

Until I got a call from my son's daycare.  Apparently his dad tried to pick him up without me knowing and I had to get the cops involved... had to leave work 30 minutes before I was supposed to to deal with that loveliness and had a mental breakdown.

I am always so worried I'm going to lose my job over stupid things like today or that Kayden will be kicked out of his daycare over ongoing problems with has dad.  I was crying and couldn't stop but had to go back and finish my day at work.

I was able to do that with a little help from a friend (we'll call that friend a calm-down pill) and the rest of the day went perfectly fine.  Prayer and support from everyone involved got me through today with a positive outlook on it all.

If I don't stress anything to you, or if you take nothing from my ramblings, please remember this:

"There is nothing our God cannot handle.  Let go and let God!"

College Life/Green Lantern

So it's been a busy few days, but I am proud to say that I passed both finals for this semester and should be receiving an A in both classes.  It's crazy hectic for me all the time since I started school again, but it's so worth the eventual income.

Seeing as how school is about to start back up for the rest of the college students around here, I feel compelled to share some of the things I've learned in the past 8 weeks.

     *Do not feel ashamed if you do not understand the material being taught to you.  I myself had to ask my younger sister to explain things to me because she knew the subject better than I did.  Ask questions, seek tutoring, or whatever it takes to make you comfortable with the material at hand.
     *Do not wait until the last minute to try to study for an exam or complete an assignment.  Your grade will suffer and you'll end up being more stressed than if you had stayed home from the late night party the weekend before.
     *Pray to God daily (multiple times daily is AWESOME)!  He is our Lord and Savior and wants us to succeed.  He can see us through anything.  And when you actually feel him in your presence, it's by far the best feeling on the planet!!!
     *The best advice I can give any student is to work hard, but don't forget that college is a time of learning not only for careers, but also personal development.  You will learn things about yourself you never thought about before and may be afraid of some of the things you see people do or talk about.  Be yourself, but don't be afraid to get out there and make some friends.  You never know, the people you meet in college could end up to be your future spouse, your best friend, or maybe one day your boss.  Be kind to everyone you meet.

And now that I have gotten that out of the way, I must give myself props.  I was able to correctly identify the Green Lantern on my son's daycare worker's shirt this morning.  So stoked!!

And while on that subject, I am wondering if I should make Green Lantern scrubs or Batman scrubs.  I just cannot decide.  Both are epic in this day and age right??  I think I will put it to a vote.  Comment me your opinions or other ideas and I promise to return the favor at some point. 

1 is the Lonliest Number

So the past few nights, I've been somewhat lonlier than normal.  Usually, I don't want to fall asleep with anyone at all.  The past few nights, I've wanted someone there when I fell asleep.  I've been thinking more and more about family and what I want mine to look like as well.  After pondering it for several days, I've decided that Kayden and I are already a family.  But I would like to get married before I'm 30 (that less than 5 years fellas) and I also want to have my last child no later than age 27 which puts me at about a year to find someone to deal with for the rest of my life and get pregant by said man soon thereafter.... I may have to budge a little on that plan, it's out of my hands though... Because now God knows my plans and I just have to wait for Him to reveal what His plans are for me these next few years.

When I get lonely, I feel sad and I don't like feeling sad so I find something to do.  Usually what I do is watch something on Netflix..... scrubs, prison break, hawthoRNe are my go to shows right now.  I also talk to God alot.  I haven't been going to church, but he can hear me wherever I am.  I talk to him about my lonliness, about my feelings of the day, apologize for my sins of the day and seek forgiveness from Him. I ask Him to take the wheel and lead me where I need to go.  Because with Him, nothing is out of reach.

My friend Brett has been doing missionary work over the summer and he is set to be home in a couple weeks.  I'm so excited because I haven't seen him in forever and I hate it!!!!

Anyway, before I say too much (which believe me can happen) I'm going to say goodnight and until next time.  If you have thoughts or questions, please leave them in a comment at the bottom of this page or you can email me here   kamsmama11@gmail.com

But You Didn't Specify Mommy!

So yesterday was the day for Kayden and I stay home and get things done around the house.  And that boils down to this:  Kayden plays and makes messes while mommy watches Scrubs and does laundry for the week ahead.  Normally this happens every Saturday (because mommy likes a schedule for doing laundry so I don't have to fight to use the washer and dryer with the rest of the family here).

Before we got up and started our day Kayden was hungry.... already!  It was like 8 something in the morning (and my ONLY day to sleep in) so I was not about to go out into the rest of the house already.  I just happened to have some cheese crackers in the bedroom (to keep seperate from everyone else's food).  Kayden munched on those before he had his actual breakfast.  (I know, no other mom in the US has given her child junk food because she was too lazy to get up).  Anyway, he had too much in his mouth and was trying to put more in so I stopped him.  I said "Kayden, mommy needs you to chew that food before you can put more in your mouth please."  To which his response (the tricky little monster) was spitting his chewed up crackers onto the floor... which I caught with my bare hand just before it landed on the carpet.  GROSS!!! I never thought I would say this, but I would rather change poopy raisin diapers for the rest of my life than to catch warm, wet, chewed cheese crackers with my bare hand just once more.

On a brigher note:

Today, while Kayden was with his daddy, I was able to get strawberries cut up,veggies steamed, popcorn popped, and cheese crackers all into their little individual serving bag.  The snacks (popcorn and cheese crackers) went into Kayden's snack drawer while the strawberries and veggies went to the freezer for when I need to hurry up and eat on my lunch hour :)  If this works out well, I will start getting serious about this whole cooking at home bit.

But mommy, I don't want your girl stuff in my cart! I'm a boy!!

So today was yet another adventure in mommy land.  Went to Walmart, because toddlers think they need to drink milk every day lol

Now just to give you a little background, Kayden refuses to sit in the seat part of a shopping cart.  He has to sit in the basket part where your soon to be stuff goes for its final journey through the store.  Anywho, while there, I decided to get a few necessities.  And a certain girl product.

My lovely little bundle of joy likes to throw things out of the cart as we’re strolling through the store.  I don’t know why, but I’ve learned not to question it.  Like so many other things that guys do, just let it go and try not to question the motivation.

Anyway, after I put my girl stuff in the cart was when my child decided he wanted to start throwing things out of the cart.  First was my girl products.  After I placed them BACK in the cart and told Kayden “Please don’t throw mommy’s personal things in the floor of a public place.”  So we walk a little farther to the main aisle of the store and he strikes again.  Only this time, a hot guy walked by and saw what Kayden had thrown.  I was horribly EMBARASSED!  So red faced and trying to not laugh so as not to encourage my son to continue such inconvenient behavior, I bent over and picked up the item and again placed it in my cart.  This time, Kayden went in the actual seat and we got out of the store as soon as we paid for our stuff.  And that took a while because I had forgotten my wallet at home because Kayden decided to use my purse as a little play toy and dumped its contents all over the floor :)

Lesson of The Day: Laugh as often as you can!  That’s the only way to get through life as a woman, a mom, and especially a single mom.  And always know that our children are the reason we do what we do and that without them (even when they’re at their worst) we would be lost.

Lesson #2 of The Day:  Never let your child play with your purse.  You will lose something from it... and it's hard telling where if you'll find it

I Said No!!!!

Today I went to pick my son up from daycare and then went on to Walmart.  Mistake 1.   While at walmart, I totally bypassed all the fun stuff that I don’t need and went straight for the food section!  Go me!  And then I have no clue what I wanted to get for the week so I was unprepared. Mistake 2.    As I strolled through the aisles trying to figure out what I could do for meals with things we may have at home, Kayden decided he just had to potty…. In his diaper.  Of which, I had no extras!  Mistake 3.  Now I’m in a hurry trying to feed 2 for a week on less than $50.00 and totally failed!  He smelled so bad, I just ended up getting 3 of his frozen meals, 2 of my frozen meals, Instant Rice, Cheetos, fruit snacks, some Tupperware containers to contain the leftovers, cheese it crackers, and snack bags for just over $30.  Stuck to my budget but didn’t get near enough food!

So just to be clear, the following are things NOT to do when going shopping for food to feed 2 people for a full week on less than $50 a week:

Rule #1: Never, under any circumstances, take children when shopping for breakfast.
Rule #2: Never attempt a shopping trip on a budget without putting thought into making a list! Take it with you and absolutely stick to it!  Do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES STRAY FROM YOUR LIST!!!

Rule #3: If you must take a child with you (which you shouldn’t if you follow Rule #1 above) DON’T FORGET THE DIAPER BAG!!!!

Needless to say, after I got him home and cleaned up and fed it was close to bed time.  I thought he was being all sweet and loving to the woman who birthed him but I couldn't have been more wrong!  My little bundle of joy came in for a "hug" and left with a sore mouth!  The little biter had done it again!  Bit me right on my breast!  AAAAHHHH! NOOOO!  "Mommy said NO Mr!"

Now he is in bed and I'm a little bruised from where his teeth punctured my thin skin!  I'm in for a world of adventures with this boy :)